Up, Down, Up, Down, UP

These last few weeks of pregnancy have proven to be filled with drama. This baby has been quite the mover and constantly in different positions. Well, a week ago, we discovered she was breech. I managed to turn her and when we went in for a version she was already head down. Hooray!

However, over the weekend she turned back up. I've been trying all the old tricks (and trust me, I have tried them ALL), but so far it hasn't worked this time, although I realize it's only been 24 hours. It's really frustrating me and making me really nervous. What frustrates me the most is that if I lived 3 hours south of here, no one would give me having a breech birth a second glance. But because I'm in Washington, if I go into labor right now with her head up, they will automatically want me to do a C-section.

I've had lots of opinions expressed to me, and a lot of people don't understand "what is so bad about a C-section?" Well, absolutely nothing if it is needed to save you or your baby's life. C-sections are a wonderul thing when needed. But why in the world would I want to have major abdominal surgery if it's not needed? Why would I want to endanger future births by having an unncessary surgery? Why would I want to go through the recovery and pain for no reason? And at this point, that is what it is for....no reason.

I've been spending countless hours researching breech babies over the last week and I'm not convinced that there is any reason I can't have one. Other than the fact that finding a practitioner who is skilled and experienced in doing so is nearly impossible because they would so much rather cut babies out nowadays.

I'm hoping beyond hope that this little one moves head down before labor starts, but I'm preparing myself for what my options are should she not.

I can:

1) Have a C-section because that's all Dr's know how to do anymore
2) Have an un-assisted birth (uh, no thanks. While that might be right for some, it's not right for me.)
3) Find a midwife around here who will come be with me during a breech birth.
4) Go spend two weeks in Portland where they do breech births.
4b) I could try heading to Portland during labor, but uh, that's a long drive!


I'm leaning towards option 3 right now. I have found a midwife who has experience with breech births and knows how to handle them. She has said that if I get myself in a bind, she will come IF she doesn't have a client of her own in labor. But what if she does? Should I take that chance? Should I just up and go to Portland? But the cost....oh the cost and then baby might flip head down anyway and it would all be for nothing.

I'm so confused. My husband gave me a beautiful blessing the other night that we would not NEED a back up plan. That baby would move into the proper position when the time was right. I'm trying to have faith, but alas, I'm failing miserably.

In all my years as a doula I have had to help countless women as their plans changed. I knew it was emotional for them, but I never truly grasped HOW emotional. All I want is my beautiful, calm, peaceful home birth. My last one was so wonderful. I'm all ready. I just hope baby is.