The following conversation just took place between me and my Kindergartener. This is only a small snippet of the two hour conversation, but a pretty fair representation.
Emilee: Mom, I don't think Theresa likes me.
Me: Why not?
Emilee: She just doesn't.
Me: Did she say that?
Emilee: No. But she says that I scare her.
Me: Why does she say that?
Emilee: I don't know...she says that I'm a good girl and I scare her. But I don't want to....I'm trying not to. I don't understand. She asked me to be her friend and now she doesn't want to. I just don't have any friends.
Me: What about MiKayla?
Emilee: Well, she likes me TOO much. She's always like "Emilee!!!" and hugging me and stuff.
Me: So you don't like it when they like you TOO much, but you don't like it when they don't like you enough?
Emilee: Yes. I want them to be medium....like Skyla.
Me: Well everyone is different Emilee. What about Casey?
Emilee: Well Theresa told Casey not to be my friend. But I was Friends with Casey for a long time. She was my first friend at school.
Me: Sometimes little girls aren't very nice Emilee. But you don't want them for friends if they are mean. You don't have to be friends with everyone.
Emilee: Theresa said she's going to invite me to her birthday party, but only if I don't bug her. *tears come to her eyes and she hangs her head* I just don't understand friends. I want friends who love me for who I am.
(does that sound like a 6 year old to you?)
Me: *tears in MY eyes now* Emilee, you will have many many friends who love you just the way you are. You are a very special girl and anyone who chooses not to be your friend is missing out on a very very special friend.
Emilee: Mom, why are you crying?
Me: Because I want to be able to protect you from all the mean girls you will meet in school.
Emilee: *eyes perking up* Well, you could go take over their moms!
Me: I don't think so. It doesn't work that way.
Emilee: *wistfully* I just don't understand why someone would ask to be my friend and then not want to be friends with me.
The conversation went on and on like this for quite a while. My heart breaks for my daughter. I remember what friendships were like in school. They sucked! Girls are mean, as a general rule. They are manipulative and did very little for my self-esteem growing up. I tried to share with Emilee that I have known many girls like that as well, but that she will get a few really good friends who will make her happy and be there for her. Emilee is so tenderhearted when it comes to relationships...and she's only 6! Her heart breaks at the thought that someone would not be included or loved. She once had a friend tell her that she would not come to her birthday party if she invited so-and-so. Her jaw literally fell to the ground. She could not imagine that someone would be unaccepting of a perfectly good "friend". In her own words, "Mom, I try really hard to be a really good friend to people...why wouldn't they like me?"
I don't know whose heart aches more.....hers, or mine because I know exactly what is in store for her as learns to grow up.
2 comments:
oh that is heartbreaking!
Girls are mean! I teach junior high and I hate what girls do to each other. Protect her while you can. And let her know she always has a best friend in Mom - somebody who loves her no matter what. Teaching this age, it scares me to send my child into the cruel world. I am trying not to give Cam as many positive as I can, knowing there will be many who knock him down later on. It's hard! Hugs to both of you!
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